something just isn't right

Something just doesn't feel right. Nobody has done anything, or not done anything; there's just a heeaviness, an aching, a desperate desperate hope for more sitting inside my chest...and my chest feels like an unfillable cavern. This is a quiet storm that keeps taking my breath away.

I have known what it's like to be bowed before Him with the weight of His glory so tangible that I was certain that if I opened my eyes, I would see the face of God and die. But this is not the weight of glory; this is something else formless and weightless, yet heavy as the universe resting on my shoulders, on my heart. It's like watching the world from a different space. Oh, yes, He is good and oh, He is kind; His beauty is everywhere. But this is a sadness I don't know well but am becoming familiar with; there is a depth to it that doesn't exist in my own, and a hope that burns me up. I am not certain that it is even my own. But I am certain that it is driving me to the foot of the cross over and over and over.

I love debate and I love discussion, but tonight, I am just not up to it; I don't want it, with every fiber of my being. All I wish for is that I could see Jesus sitting here in my room, and I could sit at His feet and just listen. Listen to the Lord of Eternity speak peace to my heart. Listen to His voice, and by His word the fury in me be quieted. Listen to His perfect wisdom making sense of my confusion. Listen to the King of my glory and the Prince of my Peace spill love into fear until fear is overcome and there is no more to say anyway.

I don't care about arguments and doctrinal issues and theology right now. I just need to hear Him say that He is near. Everything is right in the world, yet everything is out of place.

I am homesick for Jesus.
I am so, so homesick to see His face.
If I could just sit at His feet for a little while like Mary
See His face for a moment
I am certain everything would fall back into place
I am just so lonely for Jesus right now