Famous One

You are the Lord
The famous one, famous one
Great is Your name in all the earth

One of the things I love the most about the Lord is how big He is, how incredibly BIG and powerful and unbelievably tender His heart is. Shari and I were sitting in my car last Saturday praying for one of my friends, and somehow all the right things kept falling out of my mouth. Then there was just one moment where something other took over and the prayer took on a new dimension; I've rarely felt anything like it. SomeOne bigger than me wanted something said a certain way. I was aware of Shari praying next to me in tongues, but it was as if that was somewhere else, and I was watching my friend climbing an incredibly steep mountain bearing an impossible weight, and my heart broke for him. The mountain was all rock, not a single tree or plant; everything was dead and brown and stony. The sky was grey and he had a burden strapped to him with cords like camping rope, unbreakable; all the weights and the burdens and baggage of past years and other people's burdens added to his own, trying to pull him down. And he just. kept. going. Really slowly and painfully, but kept going, and then fell down. And all my heart fell down too. How do you stand in the gap? How do you talk to them when you see them, however you see them again? My heart wants to start off by saying: what is this mountain you're climbing, and why do you have to carry the weight of the world? don't you know that Love is tender and kind, and don't you know that He longs to cut the cords and lift the burdens off? you need to leave them at His cross and stand up tall and walk with Him, not climbing on your own but walking hand in hand with Him.

The heavens declareYou're glorious, glorious
Great is Your fame beyond the earth

But you know what I love? I love that the God of heaven and earth, who is glorious, who the stars in the heavens sing of, loves my friend. He loves my friend enough to wake me in the middle of the night or in the early hours of the morning to say: pray for him. He loves me enough to teach me how to pray, when I stumble over my words and my mind is still thick with dreams, and enough to force me to stay awake when my eyes won't stay open of my own accord. I love that the God who invented fingerprints and irises, knees and planets, lungs and oceans, sent His glory to rest upon two girls sitting in a carpark pouring their hearts out. And I love - love - that the Lord I serve, who plans the sunsets and makes the sun itself to rise and shine, made His presence so tangible that we couldn't open our eyes for fear that we would see Him, couldn't move for fear that we would touch Him in a physical form, could scarcely breathe. The fact that my friend is this precious to Him is astounding, because it stands to reason that so am I.

For all You've done and yet to do
With every breath I'm praising You

I still, when the Lord wakes me to talk to Him, don't know what to say. I know now that an appropriate response is to roll out of bed and onto my knees, rather than rolling over and back into dreams. And I know that when it's cold and I'm tired, that is the last place I want to be, but it is the best place I want to be. Sometimes I can't get back to sleep, and I stay awake thinking: wow. How did this happen to me? How did I earn the privelege of lifting someone else up before the throne of heaven and leaving them on the altar to burn in the fire He lights? Why does the Lord of Eternity wake me to talk? How is it possible that Jesus in His infinite beauty is so interested in the workings of the heart of mortal man? It's more than incredible, and it takes my breath away.

Desire of the nations and every heart
You alone are God
You alone are God

I don't really have words to explain how the strange moments when I'm halfway between waking and awake but consciously aware of the presence of God and His desire to hear my voice build my faith, build my passion, build my hope. I wonder sometimes why I am praying for my friend. There are so many people who can pray better, who can pray wiser, who are closer to him. And yet - and yet. There is a glory in knowing that the only God in the universe has need of me. And yes, He does; as Hudson Taylor wrote, "sisters, Christ has need of you." Sure, if I say no and go back to a (very broken) sleep, God can ask someone else to waken. But who am I to say no to Him? It is a dangerous thing to say no to God, and a dangerous thing to say yes to Him. Because He WILL take us at our word.

The morning star is shining through
And every eye is watching You

I've gotten to watch the sun rise the last few mornings, and I've been blessed to see it set most nights too. I've been going down to the back deck of the prayer house in the evenings with a cup of tea to just talk about the day. Inevitably talking about the day leads to talking about hope, and then to the glory of creation, and then to asking Him to "raise up an army in this place, raise up men and women who will be lions in the land, raise up a nation of men and women who will live to breathe Your Name; raise up Davids, raise up Art Katzes and Joan of Arcs, who will live to honor You in word and deed." There is just something about watching the day begin and end, and becoming aware that there truly is more. There truly is an adventure that we are a part of, even if the right now is a dull part. Because there are wonderful parts of every day; that morning star shining through makes me think of the return of Jesus, when He finally sets foot on the earth. We won't even look at it, because every eye on earth will be on Him.

Revealed by nature and miracles
You are beautiful
You are beautiful

I don't think we understand much of who God is. I'm learning a little more about Him through these strange moments of prayer and the wonderful sleeps afterwards. This is not to say I'm perfect. I think at least the first 5 minutes are spent complaining and grumbling, feeling rebellious and whining. One day, I will get this down to 1 minute, and then to none. I keep having to remind myself that it is a privelege to be before the Almighty, and an honor to serve Him, because sometimes it sure doesn't feel like it. But sometimes, when the Spirit falls, there is a power in the words we speak that confirm for me: this was not my prayer. It came from my mouth, but it wasn't an invention of my mind. And then afterwards, there are gusts of joy and bursts of giggles (not usually in the odd hours; those seem to be followed by a wonderful peace that causes good sleeps). And there is a new fire that burns in my heart and a deepened faith that causes me to love better, hope brighter, and forgive stronger than I could ever on my own.